When things donā€™t go your wayā€¦
Do you feel frustrated? I do...
Do you feel angry? I do...
Do you feel scared? I do feel that as well sometimes...
Fortunately, there is more you can do than going through these emotions only.
I’m all about efficiency, in work and personal life. When things run smoothly as planned, it makes me excited, confident, trusting, and simply happy. The opposite happens as well when things are not going well or smoothly.
When things are going differently than I expected or planned, I’m shouting in my head this is not what I planned! On top of that, a strong emotion also pops up for me: FRUSTRATION.
During my Productivity Retreat last year, I had plans to be productive and focused on my coaching business, next to creating new habits and also creating blogs/content that I want to share on this site and LinkedIn account.
As planned no distractions from the home environment. No other work for clients this week, except for what is absolutely necessary, so that I can work on my coaching business blogs and re-ignite my drive for coaching people to live their full potential.
But as plans are often just a snapshot of a theoretical idea of how you want to achieve something, reality and things you missed in preparation determine how much the plan equals what you really can and need to do to achieve what is planned.
In my case during the retreat, I didn't plan that I would have to spend more or less a day sitting in a bus. A day that was planned to be extra working on blogs, sessions with my coach. After being confronted with this forced change in plans, I got frustrated and angry... Things are not going smooth, impact on available productivity time, the success of the retreat in jeopardy and my exaggerated thinking was working overtime...
RECOGNIZABLE?!
But what can you do about it....?
First of all STOP the (exaggerated) thinking!
There is a method, the AAAA process (based on Cognitive Behavioral therapy from the psychology field), that you can apply, consisting of 4 steps:
Awareness: be aware of your emotions. The first crucial step in managing frustration and anger is awareness. You need to be conscious of your emotions as they arise. This awareness allows you to catch yourself in the moment and understand what you are feeling and why. Instead of letting these emotions control you, take a step back and observe them. Awareness is the foundation for all subsequent steps in handling frustration effectively.
Acknowledgement: acknowledge your emotions. Once you are aware of your emotions, the next step is to acknowledge them. Accept that you are feeling frustrated, angry, or even scared. These emotions are natural and acknowledging them validates your experience. It’s important not to suppress or ignore these feelings, as doing so can lead to a buildup of (even more) stress and . By acknowledging your emotions, you give yourself permission to feel and process them, which is a critical part of emotional resilience.
Accountability: take accountability for your emotions. Taking accountability for your emotions means recognizing that while you may not control the external events that trigger your feelings, you do have control over how you respond. It’s about owning your reactions and understanding that they are a choice. By taking responsibility for your emotions, you empower yourself to manage them proactively rather than reactively. This shift from a victim mindset to an empowered mindset is transformative in navigating corporate life’s inevitable frustrations.
Action: focus on empowering actions. Finally, once you’ve acknowledged and taken accountability for your emotions, it’s time to shift your focus towards empowering actions. Ask yourself what you can do right now that is constructive and beneficial. Instead of dwelling on the disempowering emotion, channel that energy into productive activities. Maybe it's adjusting your plan, seeking help, or taking a short break to clear your mind. By focusing on what you can control and taking positive steps, you turn frustration into a driving force for growth and progress.
My own AAAA process in the bus
I first stopped my thinking as well, being aware of my frustration on having to travel by bus the whole day instead of working in my 'retreat office'. I acknowledge what I felt, that I wasn't happy about the situation. I didn't stop there though, I was thinking what a more empowering thought could be than just being frustrated of my day and plan going down the drain.
I (can) have the accountability of my thoughts and focus. Owning my thoughts and using the will power of changing my thoughts. Thoughts from 'this is sh.t' to what can I do instead of being angry and frustrated while sitting in the bus. First thought was enjoying the ride by watching a movie/browse the internet, chillout, but my second thought was even more empowering (and productive): what if I just open my laptop and work on my blog?!
It is not ideal, but doable and when I decided to work while riding the bus, I felt the inspiration of writing the blog New environment, New habits.
By embracing awareness, acknowledging your emotions, taking accountability, and focusing on empowering actions, you can navigate through the inevitable disruptions of life with grace and resilience. Remember, it’s not about eliminating frustration but managing it in a way that propels you forward, rather than holding you back. Stay mindful, stay adaptable, and keep pushing towards your goals with renewed strength and clarity. You've got this!
And if you haven't got this yet, no worries: your unwanted/unplanned situation shall pass too! Just like for me, a few days later, when I was in Tarifa, I totally forgot about the 'lost' (bus)day, while watching this beautiful sunrise and writing the blog How to care (more).
How do you handle frustration? How capable are you to refocus your thoughts and get (back) into an empowering state? Need help with this, contact me.
