Reclaiming My Agenda: A Journey from People-Pleaser to Purpose-Driven

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In Brendon Burchard's The Motivation Manifesto, there’s a powerful declaration that resonates with anyone striving to live a life of intention: "We shall reclaim our agenda." This declaration isn’t just about taking control of our time; it's about protecting our energy, our goals, and our sense of self-worth. I found myself in a situation where I had to learn this lesson the hard way—a story that reflects both my struggles and triumphs of reclaiming my 'agenda'.

The Trap of People-Pleasing

When I first started out as an independent consultant exactly 10 years ago from this day, I was eager to prove myself. So, when someone I saw as a potential client asked for my help with a significant business/IT challenge their organization faced, I jumped at the opportunity. He needed ideas on how to approach this problem, and I was more than willing to assist. Over the course of a few weeks, I spent over 40 hours brainstorming, creating slides, and refining solutions based on his input and feedback. Each time he asked for more, I eagerly jumped on it, driven by the expectation (hope) that all this effort would eventually lead to a great first assignment.

However, as the weeks went by, I began to feel a growing sense of frustration. My coach at that time cautioned me that I may be investing too much time in this presales endeavor without any guarantee of a return.

When I shared to my client about the need for clarity on the next steps, he suggested that we could present the solutions to his management team. This gave me of course hope...

The Turning Point

The ironic part? My coach was a colleague of this client and she was the one who introduced us to each other. As colleague she probably had more insight on the likelihood of the presales work becoming a concrete assignment, so when she cautioned me, I did take it serious.

Her warning sparked a realization in me—I needed to reclaim my focus to reassert control over my time and agenda. I should stop investing more of my time when I have done sufficiently (what was the case) and the next step of commitment need to come from the client to move forward with me or without me. I realized I had been so focused on keep pleasing this client, on proving my value, that I crossed sensible borders on how far I needed to go with presales work. I mistakenly had convinced myself that limitless (time) investment in building a relationship was necessary to secure the work I desired.

Reclaiming My Agenda

After the wake-up call, I took immediate action. I stopped working on the project and explained to the potential client why it was important to get clarity and commitment from him on the next steps. In hindsight, I should have set these boundaries earlier, but better late than never.

Setting these boundaries transformed my approach to future work. I became much more discerning about where I invested my time and energy. I learned to position potential clients to take on their share of responsibility—especially by arranging a budget. Money, after all, is a clear signal of commitment. If a client isn’t willing to invest financially, it’s a sign that I should be cautious investing my time in it.

Interestingly, when I pulled back, there were no hard feelings or lingering expectations on either side. The client understood, likely because my coach had also informed him of the situation. In the end, there was no management team meeting, at least not one that I was invited for. He managed to proceed without me, possibly using some of my ideas, but without the need for more input from me. That’s when I realized even more: it wasn’t just about setting boundaries—it was also about me gaining confidence of my value (new as independent consultant) and not allowing it to be diminished by factors I can't control.

Seeking Clarity

This experience didn’t just teach me to reclaim my agenda—it also gave me clarity about my professional goals. It confirmed that I am a capable independent consultant who can help organizations navigate their business and IT challenges. It also helped me redefine what success and value mean in my work.

I came to see that my worth isn’t tied to whether or not something turns into a paid assignment. The interaction itself—the fact that someone valued my perspective and ideas enough to engage with me—was proof of my value. This realization boosted my confidence and helped me disconnect my sense of worth from the financial outcome only. I now see my value as intrinsic, not something that fluctuates with each paycheck.

Final Thoughts

Reflecting on that experience, I feel a deep sense of empowerment. I no longer allow external factors—such as budget constraints or a client’s decision to move forward or not—to define my self worth, my success in life and negatively impact my joy in life (probably most important). My worthiness is inherent, and it isn’t up for negotiation.

To anyone in a similar situation, my advice is this: You are in control of your agenda, your feelings on and perspective of yourself. Even in situations where external factors seem overwhelming, remember that you have the power to take ownership of what you can control. Expand that ownership consciously and intentionally. Life is ever-changing, and while you can’t change everything (at once), you can steer the course of your journey by reclaiming your agenda and seeking clarity about who you want to be.